I’ve always been the kind of person who’s late. I’m usually late to class, parties, dinner dates, regular dates, drinks, drinking dates, doctors appointments, hair appointments -basically every single thing you can physically be late for. As if that wasn’t enough I’m always late (if not last) to discover new songs, artists, movies, books, viral jokes, etc. True to form I discovered Billie Eilish’s masterpiece a lot later than most people did: a whole month after it was released. But that’s the beauty of a true masterpiece: it’s timeless. Because immediately after listening to it I played it again. And again, and again, and again. If you’re wondering why it’s because it hit me. Hard. The last few months of 2018 were a fucking wrecking ball. In a way it felt as if everything I touched fell to pieces: relationships of all kinds, dreams of all sorts; no distinction mattered. I thought the answer to my problems was isolation. I was hoping it would be cold soon so I could blame all of the time I spent secluded on the weather. I couldn’t bring myself to admitting I was falling into a dark void. This is, in fact, me actually acknowledging things were everything but okay for the past few months. I refused to because I thought that would make the monsters go away. But they didn’t. I have slowly started to see light at the end of the tunnel, because as challenging as 2018 was, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more like I am right where I need to be. That place might not be where I want to be, but if the past 21 years have left me any lessons is that all we can do is go along with whatever plans the universe holds in store for us, but actually adhering to that philosophy was quite the task. how is all of this linked to billie’s magical ballad? Well I could say I liked 2018 the way it was, ups and downs, but no one likes the downs now don’t they? Because at my personal lowest I felt all kinds of pain. I felt ugly, rejected, unwanted and alone, but as one more chapter comes to an end, I’ve learned to accept that feeling low is a part of life, and as much as I hated seeing myself fall into nothingness, I can’t wait to see myself rising into the light again. Here’s to a 2019 filled of creative energy, good vibes, and lots of light and happiness. I’ll call you when this year is over.
PS: If, like me, you’re late for Billie’s party, help yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbMwTqkKSps